She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
