I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
