don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
