I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Boobs speak an international language.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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