At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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