Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
