I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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