remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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