they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
