Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
