just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
