did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
