somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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