good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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