So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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