Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize