She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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