But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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