I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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