Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
