People with herpes should wear stickers.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
