uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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