I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
