all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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