You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
