so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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