i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
