So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
