Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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