she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
