ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's even glitter on my cock...
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