so explain again why im purple
no
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
