Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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