Well douche your snatch and let's go!
...so i touched it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
