not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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