Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
