Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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