You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
