If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
a search helicopter?!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
