Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
