Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
