he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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