At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
