similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
