oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
