You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
