Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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