You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
