I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
