i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
