based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
