Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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