I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
