So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
