I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
