why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I looked at my own cervix.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Found your dick twin last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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