how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
bring money and cleavage
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
