I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
