I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
