wakey wakey hands off snakey
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
