tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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