I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
