Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
