We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She announced her abortion via fbk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
