Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
