do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
