Someone shit on the floor
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
