.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
