weddingsv make me drug and hornr
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
