just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
