So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
