There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
