Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
