I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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