Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
