Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize