the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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