she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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