i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
