Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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