sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
