he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
