I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
