your parents love me but you hate me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize