guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize