The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
