So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
