so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
