I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
