Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
