Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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