i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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