he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
