Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
