guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
