We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
