we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
