Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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